That time I went to Nashville
Hiiiiieeee. This weekend I had some days off from work so I went to mothafuckin’ Tennessee, y’all. I have no idea why, but I got Dollywood into my head a few months ago and have been hellbent on getting there ever since.
So, this weekend I finally made it! I went down with my sister. Except once we actually got to Dollywood, we didn’t get to do anything because all the sweet as hell rides kept breaking down and it was probably my nightmare. We waited on line for one rollercoaster, only to have it break down, and then as we were waiting on line for another… IT BROKE DOWN TOO! PLOT TWIST, I KNOW! As we were getting out of the second line, we had to pass under part of the track and someone was stuck up there, just wavin’ her hands like, “Heyyyyyy.” People were taking pictures. If I was up there, I would have been having 1894 panic attacks about people looking at me because pay attention to me on the internet, but please do not look at me in person or I will die. So like, it could have been worse. We ended up getting our money back because we spent 4 hours at the park and did nothing except eat pork rinds (and don’t be fooled, that was amazing), but of course I still bought some Dollywood souvenirs because hello, why wouldn’t I? Everything was slightly outdated and amazing. The picture up above says “I will always love you,” so it’s a classic.
After that debacle was over, we drove over to Nashville. The drive from Knoxville-ish to Nashville is super nice. SO MANY MOUNTAINS I DIDN’T KNOW EXISTED. Aside from the crazy slow drivers, I was in road trip heaven. But like, seriously, people are fucking slow as balls down in the South (is “”"South”"”" a proper name?). Like sometimes the speed limit was 55 and people would be going 50???????? In the words of John Mulaney, it was like they were all 100 year old dogs on cell phones drinking smoothies. Wowee, it was my nightmare.
Nashville was great, though. Super spread out, which I wasn’t expecting. Some guy I met for a second was like, “I bet you thought this would be a wooden saloon and tumbleweeds,” and I actually didn’t think that at all but I said yes, U GOT ME!!!! I’M SUCH A CITY SLICKER!!!! because it was easier. The only place I really got a feel for was the downtown area because there’s a GLORIOUS STRIP OF ULTRA CHEESY HONKY-TONK BARS THAT HAVE MEN PLAYING HARMONICAS AND RULES ABOUT ONLY PLAYING COVERS OF COUNTRY SONGS, but there were a ton of other cool places too. The night before I left I went to this double-wide trailer bar called Santa’s and I was so happy I could have cried. It was so delightfully Southern, and everyone inside was singing their hearts out to early ’00s karaoke songs. Like, seriously my favorite bar I’ve been to in forever. If I could just live inside that bar every day, I would definitely move down to Nashville.
It was nice to be able to go somewhere new for once. I feel like I haven’t had time to do much in the last… year? Maybe more? I was dying to go on a cross-country road trip last summer, when I was FUNEMPLOYED!!!!, but it never happened so this helped to fill that void. I also have 5 days off for my birthday later on in June, and I’m trying to think of somewhere cool I can go for that. If I could teleport to Austin, I would most definitely go there. I’ve been trying to work more on ~~~BEING TRUE 2 MYSELF~~~~, whatever that means, but I think it means I want to travel more and maybe not bullshit as much? And maybe figure out how to like, be a real human with emotions? And maybe like, let the beauty of god’s green earth overwhelm me? (LOL. No.) Because I tend to shut that stuff out. And when you start writing things that are cloaked in like, 15 layers of sarcasm, you start to lose yourself a little bit. BUT YA KNOW, GOTTA KEEP THOSE WALLS UP. It is g r e a t to get off of the internet and out into the real world, though. I’M CHAINED TO EMAIL AND INSTAGRAM :c. Well, I was still chained to Instagram in Nashville, but at least I had semi-interesting things to post for once. I need to stop being super lazy and plan little trips more often.
So, yeah. I want to go somewhere cool for my birthday. I’ve been having actual things to do at work, which is another TWIST. Since I’m used to like, ringing people up on a register and trying not to hate my life. But being able to do things that are actually cool has been great. I just need to work on lockin’ down my stress levels, because once I have more than 3 things to do in a week, I BREAKDOWN, Tom Petty style. Except most of the time I’m just writing things like Hanson’s Mmmhops Beer, so like… why… am I stressed?
Oh my god, wait. For some reason this song just popped into my head.
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS, WHAT DID MY BRAIN DRAG UP FROM THE DEPTHS OF THE LATE ’90S?????? WHY HAVE I NEVER WATCHED THIS FANTASTIC MUSIC VIDEO BEFORE? WHERE IS THIS SONG FROM? If I never date someone who has a shirt buttoned by only one button that is gently blowing back in an artificial breeze, then I don’t think I’ll have ever really lived. I think I need to go out and get a leopard crop top so I can “”"”play”"”" guitar in what is most likely my little brother’s band.
Anyway, what was I saying? Gotta get my life together? Get out of the house? Okay. Check. Got it. Right after I watch this video 40 more times.